


Beyond Your Darkness I'm Your Light

by BaconSurgeon



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Break Up, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Sam Wilson Feels, Sam-Centric, Wow will I stop with the Beyonce references??, probably not!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaconSurgeon/pseuds/BaconSurgeon
Summary: The SamSteve Breakup fic you've all probably haven't been waiting for





	

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry

_ Sam was writing something for work on his laptop, peering over when the door opened, Steve popping out of the hallway.  _

_ "Hey, baby,” Sam stood up, making his way towards Steve, “Let me get the leftovers out of the fridge and heat it up.” _

_ “No need,” Steve gave Sam a chaste kiss, breathless, “Gotta get going soon.” _

_ “But, you just got here.” Sam ran his fingers through Steve’s hair. _

_ “Duty calls.” Steve stepped away from Sam, walking briskly to their (lately Sam’s) bedroom. _

_ “Oh…” Sam watched Steve roamed the house like he was a ghost. _

_ “Bye,” He whispered to the closed door. _

_ The work on his laptop remained unfinished. _

                                                                                                                                     ~  
  


_ “You look nice, Sam, what’s the occasion?” Steve observed, stopping on his way out the door.  _

_ “It’s...there’s an event at work, so yeah.” Sam felt devastation crawl up his throat, anguish’s iron grip clenching his heart, “Uh, you got a mission?” _

_ “Yeah, it's gonna be a while actually.” Steve reached for the doorknob. _

_ “Let me come with you, I’ll just grab my-” _

_ Steve kissed Sam, “It’s okay, Sam, I’ll be fine,” _

_ “Let me just be where you are, Steve, we need to ta-” _

_ “Sam, we’ll talk later, ok? I gotta go,” Steve kissed the corner of Sam’s mouth, and like nowadays, was out the door before Sam could voice his response. _

_ Hugging himself, Sam refused to ‘X’ out that day on the calendar with ‘5th anniversary!’ scribbled in pink. _

                                                                                                                                               ~  
  


_ Sam tried closing his eyes, blocking out those too loud, red numbers on the digital clock. He felt small in the king size bed, wrapped in the blanket he bought for Steve. The faint smell of Steve laid trapped within the bed, breathing it in, Sam treasured it. He wished for more blankets with lies and denial in every stitch. More pillows with remedies for loneliness and longing.  _

_ “We’ll be fine.” Sam whispered into the empty house, “True love can never be threatened right?”  _

_ “Our love is still strong, it won’t chip away, this is just a drought, just temporary, right?” Sam couldn’t figure who was more convinced: himself or the open couples counseling book beside the clock. _

                                                                                                                                            ~  
  


_ “And then I said-”  _

_ Sam frowned when Steve looked down at his phone, signaling that he had to take the call. Sam nodded, watching as Steve went to the other room, speaking in his ‘Captain America’ voice. He swirled the contents of his wine glass, reciting Steve’s apology from last night to himself. _

_ “Sorry, Sam-” Steve began, already half changed. _

_ “But, there’s a problem blah blah blah duty calls blah blah blah,” Sam finished curtly, “It’s fine, I was beginning to feel tired anyway, have fun.” _

_ “Thanks, Sam, I’ll make it up to you,” _

_ Sam hummed, mentally crossing the 4 lines in his head, for a grand total of 15 times he’s heard that phrase this month. _

                                                                                                                                         ~  
  


_ “Is Steve there?” Rhodey asked.  _

_ “When is he?” Sam snapped back. _

_ Rhodey frowned.  _

_ “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” _

_ “It’s okay, Sam, you and Steve should really talk about your relationship, you guys are distancing. It’s really getting to you-” _

_ “What the hell are you talking about?” Sam’s temper started to rise, “Our relationship is fine! It’s fine! It’s none of your business!”   _

_ Sam breathed hard into the phone, tears prickling at his eyes and fists full of his apron. _

_ “Sam... you and Steve are trapped in some kind of denial-” _

_ Sam inhaled and exhaled deeply, “I’m extremely sorry, Rhodey, that was inappropriate, I’m so thankful I have a friend like you; I think I’m gonna take a nap, I’ll talk to you later, alright? Bye,” _

_                                                                                                                                      ~ _

_ Sam’s gut squeezed as he plastered another fake smile on his face. Another half-assed joke made his heart constrict. A convincing boisterous laugh caused tears to prick his eyes. Putting on another joyous farce caused his shoulders to shake, almost crumbling under his heavy burden. If asked, Sam would vehemently deny that he has a martyr complex, he knew that was unhealthy and he liked to practice what he preached. But if you were wise enough you would ask him a follow-up question: are you a hypocrite? Then the answer would cancel out your earlier inquiry. He tried to show Steve all the love he needed, hoping that was enough to keep Steve within his grasp; giving everything he did and didn’t to Steve, just to keep their sinking relationship from falling deeper.  _

                                                                                                                                    ~

Sam likes to think he’s number one in Steve’s life, that he isn’t too perfect to feel this worthless. He understands how important being a hero is to Steve, being a hero himself, but Sam couldn’t help but be constantly aware of it all. It was like Steve was in his own world, and Sam was an outsider, pressing his ear to the walls, attempting to get in. They couldn’t go on a date without being swarmed by paparazzi and fans. Sam and Steve haven’t had a  _ real _ talk about their relationship and emotions before Steve casts it off so cavalier with a promise of ‘We’ll talk later,’ sealed with a quick kiss. The warmth in Steve’s smiles seemed to have faded from Sam’s memory; ghost-like caresses linger faintly on his skin, leaving him colder in a bed meant for two. 

He didn’t want to admit their flame was suffocating.

Beyonce’s chorus in  _ Love on Top _ jerked Sam, causing him to drop the book he wasn’t exactly reading.

“Hey, Sam,” Steve’s voice floated from the phone.

“Steve?” Sam felt his heart flutter at the sound, “Thank goodness you called, I was so invested in this book I was reading that I almost burned dinner, I have to tell you about the book over-”

“Sam, I’m really sorry, but we have to do that public appearance tonight, remember? As America’s sweethearts,” Steve’s words shot bullets through Sam’s heart.

“Oh,” Sam faltered slightly, “Oh, yeah, yeah! I remember, ah just let me put this food up and I’ll get ready.” 

“All right, talk later.”

Sam stared at his home screen, a picture of Steve laughing so hard, his face blurry. A droplet of water fell onto the screen. Then another, and another, and another. Sam felt pent up emotions implode within him, curses escaping from behind clenched teeth. He laughed bitterly at the irony. Steve and Sam: America’s Sweethearts. Their relationship was far from sweet, sour in his mouth. More straining if anything. Sam’s phone lay in his lax hand. His nose crinkled at how wet he got Steve’s sweater. He hoisted himself up, heaving his burden with him, and set about packing the uneaten food before freshening up. 

                                                                                                                                        ~

“Falcon, Falcon! Over here!” 

Sam smiled, “Call me Sam,”

“Tell us, Sam, what’s it like being in a relationship with America’s icon? What’s the daily life for two superheroes? Are there any strains in your relationship with  _ The Captain America _ ?” 

“Well, like any couple-”

“We don’t have any strains,” 

Sam and Steve looked at each other, Sam raising an eyebrow at Steve’s response. 

“Like I was saying, it’s wonderful being in a relationship with Steve, our daily life will probably bore you, and  _ like any couple,  _ we have our tensions,” 

“So what you’re saying is, the strains on your relationship, leave your bond boring and not worth the fight anymore? Has the spark died out?” The reporter badgered. 

Sam’s mouth dried instantaneously, words choked out of him. The reporter stated the bitter truth Sam had tried to ignore for so long; using talks of the future and failed dates to dance around the cracks.

“Do you experience frequent arguments? Or do you refuse to admit you do?” 

Sam felt his voice fall deeper and deeper into his chest, the spots where Steve and he were touching, felt like icicles on his skin. 

“We haven’t had any recent arguments, “ Steve began. 

_ That’s because we barely speak.  _

“Even then the arguments are minor, I think the last one was about me leaving my clothes everywhere,” The crowd laughed. 

_ You’re lying, and I can taste your dishonesty from here, I can’t imagine how revolting it must be in your mouth.  _

“In fact,” 

_ What are you doing?  _

“I had a question to ask, Sam,” Steve reached in his pocket, kneeling in front of Sam.

_ Please, don’t.  _

Sam’s heart bled as the ring shined in its velvet box. 

“Sam, will you marry me?” Rounds of aww’s and camera flashes sounded filled the room.

Sam’s emotions burst, snapping the chains of denial around them. 

“No! No, Steve!” Sam jumped from his chair, eyes full of tears, “I wanted to pretend, I didn’t want to admit it, but we just don’t fit anymore! You don’t-!” 

Sam's throat went tight, trapping the words inside; rushing away, he hid his face from bright lights, leaving Steve to the dogs. 

“Sam!” 

“Sam!” 

Sam!” 

Steve’s voice melted with those of the reporters. 

                                                                                                                               ~

Sam’s phone blared, text messages and phone calls back to back made him cry harder. That wasn't how Sam wanted it to go down, Steve wasn't supposed to propose, Sam wasn't supposed to break on National T.V., it was supposed to be like ripping off a band-aid, not getting a gunshot wound. He just couldn't do _it_ anymore, play pretend. He hugged his knees closer, closing his bloodshot eyes, hoping the banging on his door would just stop.  
                                                                                                                                ~

Steve didn't bother with a car, he ran, tie loose around his neck and dress shoes in his hand.  Paparazzi lined every street, cameras withholding millions of eyes gazing as he desperately chased down someone he never thought he could lose. 

_ That was his mistake.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I'm @baconsurgeon on Tumblr if you wanna come talk to me about Sam Wilson!!  
> Also, some of music that inspired this story are ofc Beyonce's Lemonade, and The Suffers' songs: Giver and Midtown!!


End file.
